Did I really say that?

Last week when I was talking to Corey about my resignation, I was starting to get a little teary eyed and I actually said "Corey - this is really, really hard - for 4 years this job has been my life". WHOA - RED FLAG! Did I actually say what I thought I said? Was it a subconscious slip? Was my job really my life?

Right at that moment when I said that, it was like God gave me a quick (but loving) slap upside the head so I would pay attention. MY JOB SHOULD NOT BE MY LIFE!!!!!

Since then I have been revisiting that, looking inside myself, and facing some tough questions:

• Did I make my job/ministry and what I "did" for God more important than just being with God and putting him first - just loving him?
• Did I place my value and self worth in working at one of the "coolest" churches in America and working with "the cool people" instead of looking to Jesus to fulfill that in me?
• Why did I strive and waste so much energy trying to please people who don't even know me or value me?
• How many times did I sacrifice my husband and my son and put my job or other people before them?

I love my church, I loved being on staff at GCC, and most of all I love my Lifeline kids. I am not saying that working there was bad or being in ministry is bad - What I am saying is that somewhere along the line I think I got my priorities jumbled up and I wasted a lot of energy worrying about things that in the big eternal picture did not matter.

More than anything I want to make my life count and I want to live my life the way that God designed it to be. So even though they're painful at times, I'm thankful for the "slaps upside the head" that God gives me every once in awhile!