Tell me your story . . .

This is Dr. Dan Gottlieb

He has a story . . .

He inspires me . . .

READ THIS ARTICLE by Dr. Dan:

It came to me in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago, four words that could change the world:

Tell me your story.

These four words could have an impact on everything from global conflict to personal well-being. All we have to do is ask others to tell us their stories and then be quiet. Oh, one other thing: While you are listening, try to imagine what it would be like - and how you would feel - if it were your story. That's called empathy.

So just ask people for their stories, listen, imagine, and feel - sounds naive, doesn't it? Stick with me here.

First, saying these words will change you. Listening to others is an act of emotional generosity, and there is ample evidence that generosity stimulates the brain's endorphins - natural antidepressants. [...]

Second, this little exercise will change the person whose story you've asked for. Socrates may have overstated the issue a bit when he said, in modern translation, "an unexamined life is not worth living," but we humans do have a fundamental need to be understood for who we are. Think of how full we feel when someone looks in our eyes and says she wants to know how we experience our lives.

In today's world, social networks are shrinking. The number of people who report having no intimate friends is increasing. Simple eye contact, along with a caring "tell me your story," can go a long way toward diminishing someone's feelings of alienation and aloneness. I've spoken those words to kids of all ages in all kinds of neighborhoods. Most thank me for asking - and say that no one has ever done so before.

Third, beyond diminishing alienation and increasing a sense of connection, these four words can have a biological effect on both parties. According to Herbert Adler, a psychiatrist at Jefferson, compassion in the doctor-patient relationship actually changes each person's biological healing system. And if that happens in those relationships, it happens in other relationships. It literally promotes healing.

(...) Try it with a neighbor you don't know very well, a relative with whom you've had a misunderstanding. Try it with a street person and see what happens to both of you.

Just four words. We could start a movement.

--Dan Gottlieb you can read the article HERE

Here's Dr. Dan’s Story:

Daniel Gottlieb began his practice as a psychologist and family therapist in 1969 after receiving undergraduate and graduate degrees from Temple University. As a young psychologist, working in the addictions field, he was enjoying his professional successes and his two young daughters. Life seemed perfect. Until...

In 1979, while preparing a surprise for his wife on their 10th anniversary, Gottlieb was in a near-fatal automobile accident, which left him paralyzed from the chest down. Over the ensuing years, he faced depression, divorce and the death of his wife, sister and parents. Throughout all, he maintained his devotion to family and his career. Now, he sits in a wheelchair observing life and gaining unusual insight into what it means to the human.

Since 1985, Daniel Gottlieb has been hosting "Voices in the Family," an award-winning mental health call-in radio show aired on WHYY 90.9 FM, Philadelphia's local public radio station. From 1993 until 2008, he wrote a highly regarded column for the Philadelphia Inquirer titled: "Inside Out," reflecting his perspective on the events in the world around us and the many ways we experience those events. He has also previously published a total of four books. His most recent, "Learning From the Heart: Lessons on Living, Loving and Listening," describes some of the many lessons he's learned about what we share as humans. All of his royalties are donated to children's charities, and so far he has contributed nearly $80,000 to a variety of children's causes. In addition to his writing and radio show, he lectures locally and nationally on a variety of topics affecting the well-being of people, families and the larger community.

The essence of his life can be found on his business card. After his name, there are no degrees and no fancy titles. His card simply says "Daniel Gottlieb. Human." He is the proud father of two daughters and a blissfully happy grandfather of Sam.

Much of his wisdom and compassion he attributes to having experienced severe losses—of his mobility and the death of his sister and parents. He has unique understanding of both the solitude and the growth that accompany suffering. As a result, it is his belief that alienation and prejudice are the greatest source of suffering in our souls and in the larger world. Healing this pain requires sitting quietly, feeling our lives and opening our hearts to the great love that lives there.

Click HERE for more info on Dr. Dan

My Thoughts:

• It's amazing how important our personal stories are and how important it is that we have a voice and share our stories.
• It's also even more important to ASK and then actually LISTEN to other people's stories. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and just listened without giving advice or twisting it around to whatever you're going through. How powerful would it be to take Dr. Dan's advice and just listen and put yourself in their shoes - be empathetic. We don't have to fix it - we just need to truly listen.
• When I hear about something horrible that another person did to another human being, I always wonder, what's their story? But what about the "common" people that you run into every day, the ones that look like they have it all together - What's their story?
• Did you notice that there's evidence that generosity stimulates the brains endorphins - our natural anti-depressants? That tells me (and I've actually put this into practice) that when we gut stuck in the world of "woe is me" that the best medicine is to do something for someone else - cook them a meal, invite them over for coffee, do a random act of kindness, serve at a food pantry or even as simple as asking someone "TELL ME YOUR STORY". We don't need a prescription for that - it gives us our own natural anti-depressants AND it helps the other person we're focusing on.
• This article states that social networks are shrinking and the number of people who report having NO intimate friends is increasing - that bothers me. Connection with other human beings is essential to life - are we so wrapped up in ourselves that we are forgetting that other people have a story? Do we just forget to ask? Do we even care?

My Challenge to You:

1. This week, ask at least 3 people to "Tell Me Your Story", and then REALLY listen. Don't feel responsible, don't try to fix it, don't give advice - just empathize with them and listen.
2. If you are feeling overwhelmed, beaten up, frustrated, sad, angry - or any other emotion that keeps you down - Get out and serve someone else. Release those natural feel good chemicals in your brain! Getting out of "the world of me" and jumping into someone else's world will change your perspective and help you put some joy back in your life. PLUS you're helping someone else and hopefully they will pass it on too!